Say no when you want to …
That’s something that gets many people into trouble when they don’t follow it. When you really want to say no and you say “yes”, you are finished more or less.
The costs of saying the truth are also sometimes high. I never wanted to go for a dinner with one of the friends offering; I said plainly “No, some other time”. It did not have any costs, because that person quite understood.
Consider the same case with a friend who is not so comprehending, it would be disastrous. One can argue why keep such a friend. If the person is very sensitive, you might be risking almost losing the relationship itself. Human contacts and relationships are quite complicated that way. If only I can read the other person’s mind… (Oh, I remember “What women want…” movie)
The costs you pay when you say the truth are against the social cues; “Look that girl, she is so snobbish”; “Headstrong, cant even attend the dinner”, “Generally not social la, lets not invite her”, “Oh, she wont join”…
You have lots of assumptions and premonitions on the person’s behaviors even without knowing him/her fully. Sometimes it leads to social seclusion and a different set of experiences.
I am a strong supporter of saying “No, when you want to”, though the costs could be there. I feel that the costs paid by saying yes, when you want to say no are very very higher than the former. I guess I need not explain them. It could result mainly in stress of keeping up that “smile”, “happy face” and maintaining your yes’s further and further.
But in business I guess this is one of the compromises done to succeed. That’s one reason I hate business administration.
One thing I am sure, people are making a hell lot of money in writing books that say “How to say no?” They describe ways to say no – plain, reasoned, reflecting, enquiring, break it directly and so on… (Oh, no I dint read them);
Well Tee Shirts are also earning a lot using this phrase.
Being true can be hard, but it can save a lot of trouble and unnecessary hard feelings, guilt and stress later in life. Who wants to make life complex?
Oh, why should I write a post like this today? I am off my thinking capactiy - today the exam on managing tropical marine environment was over - well, I did fine :-)
The costs of saying the truth are also sometimes high. I never wanted to go for a dinner with one of the friends offering; I said plainly “No, some other time”. It did not have any costs, because that person quite understood.
Consider the same case with a friend who is not so comprehending, it would be disastrous. One can argue why keep such a friend. If the person is very sensitive, you might be risking almost losing the relationship itself. Human contacts and relationships are quite complicated that way. If only I can read the other person’s mind… (Oh, I remember “What women want…” movie)
The costs you pay when you say the truth are against the social cues; “Look that girl, she is so snobbish”; “Headstrong, cant even attend the dinner”, “Generally not social la, lets not invite her”, “Oh, she wont join”…
You have lots of assumptions and premonitions on the person’s behaviors even without knowing him/her fully. Sometimes it leads to social seclusion and a different set of experiences.
I am a strong supporter of saying “No, when you want to”, though the costs could be there. I feel that the costs paid by saying yes, when you want to say no are very very higher than the former. I guess I need not explain them. It could result mainly in stress of keeping up that “smile”, “happy face” and maintaining your yes’s further and further.
But in business I guess this is one of the compromises done to succeed. That’s one reason I hate business administration.
One thing I am sure, people are making a hell lot of money in writing books that say “How to say no?” They describe ways to say no – plain, reasoned, reflecting, enquiring, break it directly and so on… (Oh, no I dint read them);
Well Tee Shirts are also earning a lot using this phrase.
Being true can be hard, but it can save a lot of trouble and unnecessary hard feelings, guilt and stress later in life. Who wants to make life complex?
Oh, why should I write a post like this today? I am off my thinking capactiy - today the exam on managing tropical marine environment was over - well, I did fine :-)
posted by armadillo at 12:12 AM
2 Comments:
yes, u r right... saying a blind "yes" when u think u are not completely satified puts u in a awkward situation... its a lot easier to say NO to friends but gets difficult in lots of other situations... even in corporates u can say no but later u might be convinced for a yes but atleats u will feel morally good that u said a no initially :-)
It definitely is not easy many a time to say "no" when you want to but its better to say it if you have to! I always go by my gut feeling & trust me it works!
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